Do they make a medication for this?

So normally I like to think of myself as a pretty logical person. Hopefully not like the clueless FBI agent/CIA agent/police officer/museum curator/professor in the movies that is always saying, “But this can’t be! I’m sure of it!” right before the alien/killer pandemic/ghost/prehistoric curse offs them (after all, I have seen all seven seasons of Buffy at least 4 times plus the first graphic novel). But in general, I think I’m fairly level-headed.

But my normally logical thinking completely breaks down with my belief in some weird karmic scorecard where the universe is constantly weighing everything I say or do and altering our lives because of it. And not in systematic ways, like if you try hard and think positively things will work out. No it’s like a guessing game of random events that I’m sure will determine our fate.

Take for instance, the potential of Steve working here on campus. Everything I say about it, think about it, and even completely non-related events affect, in my mind, the chances of this happening. If I mention it too many times, then we want it too badly and the universe will teach us a lesson. If I don’t mention it enough, then we don’t want it badly enough and it will go to someone else who wanted it the proper amount. Since Becca got her job in Flagstaff, maybe that means that the universe will be balanced by Steve not getting his. Maybe me running into another advisor he would work with is a positive sign, or maybe the fact that I didn’t ride my bike to work enough this week will result in punishment.

Flying is another one that gets me. If I don’t worry at all about flying will the universe try to be ironic and make that the time the plane goes down? Or if I worry too much will I project negative mojo on the plane and make it worse than if I were thinking positively? How can I possibly keep the perfect balance of positive and negative thoughts that are obviously the only thing keeping the plane in the air?

After reading this post, my mom will be thinking that I need more to do. It’s probably true.

But whatever your idea of positive thinking, praying, altering karma, could you please try to do it for Steve to get the job here? Maybe your system will work better than mine.

(Too bad this blog post will do no good since my hope that Steve gets his job is semi-selfish and the universe only rewards completely altruistic thought. Foiled me again, universe!)

Religion Quiz

Rachel and I have battled with whether or not to attend a church for as long as we have been a couple. Rachel has many good memories of growing up in a church with positive social, spiritual and educational aspects but it was also flawed. I on the other hand don't have as many fond memories so I have been skeptical about trying again since day one. One major obstacle for us is the fact that we are crazy treehugging socialists so finding a church that matches our view on social issues can be difficult but nevertheless remains an area of curiosity.

Rachel and took a quiz today to determine which belief system best suites each of us. I was listed as 100% Secular Humanist which was not a tremendous surprise because most questions on the multiple choice quiz offer an "I don't know" option. Nevertheless, I question where secular humanists come together for social gatherings and enlightenment. I have always thought a church or some institution should exist with the sole purpose of supporting a quest for higher learning while discussing many modern issues even spirituality. I decided that I should start my own called the Gathering of Secular Humanists or GoSH. The irony of this acronym is not lost on me. Gosh is a word used to replace God, so too would GoSH the institution.

I am having fun here and by no means wish to offend anyone nor do I have any real intention to start a Gathering of Secular Humanists. Besides, such institutions already exists. They are referred to as state universities.

I am curious to see what the quiz identifies as your belief system. If you care to share, list your top 3 in the comment section. My top 3 are:

1. Secular Humanist (100%)
2. Unitarian Universalist (97%)
3. Tie between Liberal Quaker and Theravada Buddhism (92%)

Bike Route 2

I want to start by mentioning how proud I am of Rachel for riding her bike to and from work all this week to participate in Bike to Work Week. While I did go along with her, I didn't have to work an 8 hour day in between rides.

On my way back home from riding to work with Rachel this morning I decided to take another new trail back home. I am pretty excited because it was awesome and beautiful. It is similar to the other one but it went along the side of the Gardens on Spring Creek (kind of a designated botanical garden and greenhouse area) and the creek itself. It went by homes I hope to live in some day, more natural areas, Rolland Moore Park and Spring Canyon Park which is Rachel's and my favorite.

I didn't have the camera with me so no pictures but I will try to remember next time. Also, I realized that I have never mapped Rachel's commuter route so I will do that next.

On being too darn good (diddly)…

On Saturday we went to the Mets/Rockies game in Denver and sat in the “Rock Pile.” Basically cheap seats in the outfield, but really not bad for $4. Unfortunately the Mets lost (the only game they lost of the series), so Steve was in a rather intense place. Never mad (have you met Steve?), just quiet.

This gave me a lot of time to listen to the conversations going on behind us. It was a group of people a couple years out of college (so basically our age) who had chosen a much different path. Beyond their very clever insults of “You suck Mets!” and “Go back to New York!” they had some interesting conversations that I observed like Jane Goodall would observe apes. Here’s a sample.

Guy: So what do you do?
Girl: I’m a broker.
Guy: Like a stock broker?
Girl: Kind of. I’m in training for Charles Schwab.
Guy: So do you have a lot of clients?
Girl: Right now I kind of just answer questions on the phone.
Guy: Like cold calls?
Girl: No, just regular calls.
Guy: How’s your portfolio?
Girl: Not very extensive yet.
Guy: Yeah, mine’s not that big yet either.

Girl: I need to get a dog tag with my address on it.
Guy: Why?
Girl: So when I get drunk people know where to send me. I have a friend who does that.
Guy: He’s a tool.
Girl: Yeah, but I need it. I get so drunk.
Guy: Yeah.
Girl: Want to go to Bash tonight? (Blah blah blah, something about 4 a.m., hangover, haha, very funny)

At first, I’m like “Can you believe these idiots are our age?” Then I started to wonder if there was some part of our youth we were missing out on. Do normal 24 year olds go to bed around 10 every night and wake up early on Saturday to go the farmer’s market? Do they consider eating cheese a semi-sinful treat? Do they drink decaf with soy milk and Splenda? I bet they wear leather shoes and shorts and tank tops. Maybe I shouldn’t have worn my cardigan and fanny pack.

It made me miss our friends in Flagstaff, who by staying out past 11 and sometimes even going out on a weeknight kept me from feeling like an 85 year old shut-in. Sure I’m never going to be a drunken club girl in designer clothes, but it was nice to go to a laid back bar and eat cheese fries and make jokes with a big group of people. Hopefully we’ll be able to find that here soon.

Recap & Pictures

This weekend Rachel and I made a quick trip to Lincoln, Nebraska. Grandma Jean was a great host and it was nice to visit with the James family and more. I wasn't very good at taking pictures (only two).



I met Rachel for lunch again today and decided to take the same trail home I posted a few days ago. This time I brought a camera. The photos didn't upload in the appropriate order but for the most part they are grouped together. If some look a little off, keep in mind, many of these photos were taken while riding (I was careful).

Bike Route

Below is the bike route I took after having lunch with Rachel today. It was awesome. It was completely paved and went through natural areas, along rivers and creeks, and through parks and neighborhoods. I was exhausted because it was 9.5 miles and that was after riding from home to CSU to meet Rachel and then from CSU to the Library where I picked up a bike trails maps and the below map begins.

P.S. I love mapmyrun.com

Living in the Now

I’ve blogged before about my complete and total inability to live in the present moment. I often find my thoughts drifting through our plans which end somewhere around, “And by then our kid(s) will be out of the house, based on the current projections for my 401(a), we’ll be able to retire 2.5 years early even with five years subtracted to stay home with the child(ren), the mortgage will be close to paid off and we can decide whether we want to downsize and use that money to travel. Maybe I should check on flight prices to Europe for April 2047.”

I know there are some good things about having a basic direction in life, but this is just not right. Especially scary is the desire to skip some parts of life to get to that moment where we finally have everything, a la that movie with that actor who I have no respect for after “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.” It’s easy to start thinking, “If we could just skip three years ahead, we’ll be in this really perfect situation…”

Also frightening is that planning so far ahead makes it feel like we’re so much older than we are. Thoughts like, “Enrolling full time in grad school? I don’t know… I’d be there with all those 23 year olds,” are a lot more common than they should be.

When I’m able to clear my mind of all of the pressures to be “something” already, I’m really happy with where we’re at. I really like my job, I love hanging out in all these cool new places with Steve, and we’re living pretty comfortably. So maybe at 24 we’re not CEOs with 2.3 kids, a big house with a white picket fence, and a vacation home on Martha’s Vineyard. And that’s OK.

As the wise Buffy the Vampire Slayer said, “I'm cookie dough. I'm not done baking. I'm not finished becoming who ever the hell it is I'm gonna turn out to be. I make it through this, and the next thing, and the next thing, and maybe one day, I turn around and realize I'm ready. I'm cookies.”

Maybe by the time I’m 40 I’ll be cookies. Until then, I’m going to try to enjoy the ride.