Random Complaints

While we were waiting for a table at a restaurant on Sunday morning we got a spiel that ended with “You’re definitely going to hell.” Then our name was called. I’m not sure if it would have had a happier ending eventually, but as far as I know I’m hell-bound. At least I have a million dollar bill with Bruce Willis on it to console me.  

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After two completely gorgeous days of 75 degree weather, it’s supposed to snow today.

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Why must comments on other people’s personal blogs be so insipid? It seems like all people know how to do is repeat some part of the blog in the most unoriginal terms.

Blog: “Isn’t this cute?”
Comments: “That is SO cute!” x247

Blog: “I breathe.”
Comments: “ME TOO. I breathe all the time.” x384

Maybe I shouldn’t be reading other people’s blog comments, but for some reason I feel like it’s my duty to prevent the intellectual decline of the internet.

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I decided to have tea instead of coffee this morning. Healthier? Maybe. Delightfully filled with cream and Splenda? No.

Too much fun with iMovie

...but here's the grand tour!

Our latest obsession...

You have to click on the pictures to see them in all their glory. Second time's the charm?

Floor Plan

Blah Blah Blah House

Blah blah blah other offer accepted. 

Blah Blah Blah LISTING AGENT! Grrr... 

Blah blah something positive and hope-y.

Blah blah blah something sarcastic.

"Our" House

I can’t pinpoint the exact moment that we started to talk about living with my parents. And not in a “crash in my old room until we can get our own place” kind of way, but intentionally choosing to share a space, share costs, live simply, and live together. It’s not a common decision, at least not in recent times, but we knew it was a good decision for us.

Reading Pride and Prejudice has romanticized the idea a bit for me. Visions of huge family estates in the country passed down from generation to generation make modern living seem so cheap and disposable.

Not that our little house in the burbs of Fort Collins could really be compared to an English estate (if the bank even approves the short sale), but the idea is the same. We’ll have a family home, a home made possible by previous generations and a home base for family scattered across the country.

I think about the people who made it possible for us to get to this place – my parents, my Grandma Jean (whose birthday would have been tomorrow) and my Grandpa Bill (who I never got to meet), my Grammy, and the rest of our family who always loved and supported us. I love the idea that it will be our house. And with any luck, the unconditional love and generosity of all of these individuals will continue to grow and thrive in this place.

Patience

After reading my millionth “short sale” horror story, I’m trying to find my patient place. Sure we’d love to have a house, that house, and in about two months we’ll be apartment-less if some sort of action isn’t taken, but good things come to those who wait, right?

But the “not knowing” makes it hard to focus. All I can do is plan and re-plan the next 3 months, 6 months, year, 5 years, 10 years of our lives. Try to think of all of the possible counters the bank could make, and imagine how we’d react. Decorate rooms in my head and then try to detach myself from all of it. Wonder if our kid will ride their bike to the junior high on the bike path, and worry that they won’t wear a helmet. Try to picture what the house and the neighborhood will look like in 30 years, what we’ll look like in 30 years. In the grand scheme of things, what is 2 months of not knowing?

We commented last night that eventually our luck will have to run out. We have been so fortunate in every aspect of our lives – to have found each other, found this place we love living, found jobs in this place and to have always had a roof over our heads and amazing family and friends that support us. Can that really last? Should any two people be given so much? And if we only have a certain amount of luck left, is it right to waste it on a house, or should we hold on to it for all the other things left in life?

Some days I wish I could shut my brain off.

Wallflowers

Neither Steve nor I like being the center of attention very much. If you watch some of the video from our wedding reception, this becomes painfully obvious. As we step out for our first dance, we both have pained looks on our faces. And I remember the conversation during that first dance. It was not, "I love you. This is amazing. First day of the rest of our lives, blah, blah, blah.” It was, “This is awkward! I hate this! Can people come dance with us now?”

This feeling extends to opening gifts, being the recipient of any sort of party or recognition, and delivering any kind of news that we know may bring with it a line of intense questioning. Neither of us is very good at defending our decisions, not because we don’t believe in them, but because the attention immediately drives us to this place of awkward misery that we can’t seem to climb out of.

“Why aren’t you eating bacon?”

“Umm… actually I don’t really eat meat.”

“Oh you’re one of those vegetarians. I don’t see how people can live that way. Why don’t you eat meat?”

“Uh… well, kind of environmental and animal rights reasons.”

“People have been eating meat for thousands of years! What do you even eat if you don’t eat meat? Do you think animals really have feelings? Do you think one person not eating steaks is going to save the world?”

“Never mind. Pass the bacon.”

Lately I’ve been trying to think of a good response to those lines of questioning that make me uncomfortable – where I’m forced to defend parts of my life that really don’t affect anyone but me, but it’s obvious that people have already made their judgments. My first thought was “F*** off!” Just crudely surprising enough to throw people off their game, but sadly not all that clever. “None of your business” is so cliché. “This is not a decision I have taken lightly, and I enter into it knowing full well the consequences, but I understand if it is not a choice you understand” is true, but it has no zip.

I guess that I’m at a loss and open for suggestions. In the meantime I guess I’ll just continue my awkward, half-assed explanations.