A Very Pottery Barn Christmas

Steve and I started decorating for Christmas over Thanksgiving weekend. We have a tree with white lights and deep red and soft gold ornaments. Our new mantle has stocking holders that spell out PEACE, a vase of cranberry branches, and a small wooden, one-piece nativity. It's beautiful, but I had to agree when Steve said, "I always thought I'd be more of a fun decorator for Christmas."

Our place feels a little bit like stepping into a Crate and Barrel catalog (or a Target rip-off of an Crate and Barrel catalog). It's simple, neutral with a few bright accent pieces, sparse wall decorations, and only one photo displayed in the whole apartment. It's definitely the clean, simple, zen look we were going for.

It's a huge contrast to my room in high school. Anything that could be thumbtacked to a wall was displayed proudly, including shopping bags, posters, photos of my friends, and the shorts that Tom Delonge signed at OBC. My comforter was covered with monkeys and palm trees, and I had a collection of tacky, beach-themed items including my prized pink flamingo clock. And the best part was that every morning I woke up to my boys:



Now it definitely didn't look like your typical Pottery Barn Teenage Girl Room A, but it was mine and I loved it. Every part of it, good or bad, was a reflection of me.

Maybe that's why I blog now. I'm sure Steve wouldn't be super keen on waking up to Mark, Tom, and Travis, but I do have this virtual space that is mine to express myself authentically, even if it's a little raw sometimes. Good or bad, it's a reflection of me. And just like my room, I don't care if it's what other people think it should be. It's mine, and I love it.

Minor Setback

The position at Steve's work was not filled from this group of canditates (translation: he didn't get the job). Obviously this means that the higher ups at Steve's work are a bunch of stupid wankers who can't see that he is the best worker in that crummy place, but he doesn't get credit because he doesn't whine about how hard he's working all the time. Big middle finger to you people.

However, this is a great reminder that we're young. We have lots of years ahead to stress about careers, but right now we should be working just enough to pay for our travel, hookers, and blow. I mean, neither of us really even know exactly what we want to do with our lives. We should be taking this time to figure it out rather than working like madmen to achieve some kind of status that doesn't mean anything to us.


And now I'll tack on a Thanksgiving post for good measure:

I'm thankful for...

Steve. I can't even describe how much I love him or begin to list all the reasons. Anything I say just sounds cheesy, and I hate it because that's not how we are. It's just right.

The fact that Becca and I are really friends again. And that she's happy.

Steve and I both getting to be with our families on Thanksgiving. Hopefully I'm still thinking it's a good idea tomorrow night.

Good friends. I only have like three, and I'm completely fine with that because I genuinely care about them and I know they genuinely care about me.

The city of Fort Collins.

Me likey

Missing My Steve-o and My Tivo

So after being gone for 10 of the past 14 days, I never plan to leave the house again. You'll have to pry my cold, dead fingers from the door. In the end, I'm glad that every once in a while I can show myself that I can be a world (or regional) traveler, and survive. But I really don't enjoy it. I don't like flying, I don't like staying in hotels and drying my face with towels that have touched millions of people's nether-regions, or eating fast food for every meal, or hanging out with "conference people."

I'm a lame home body, I'm willing to admit it, so by the end of this last trip I could barely hold it together.

But when I got home, Steve had an immaculate house waiting for me, with pizza, cookie dough and cherry coke inside. Then we watched The Office and Scrubs which he swore he hadn't watched without me. And everything was ok again because Steve is hands down the most amazing person in the world.

Being at the conference was a good reminder that I really need to set my priorities. And becoming a higher education marketing executive really isn't at the top of my list. Where that leaves me I'm not sure, but I'm sure I'll figure it all out.

Also, think good thoughts for Steve who is clawing his way up the corporate ladder. He should find out about his job early this week.

Pictures

I finally activated my Flickr Pro Account (thanks Schulz family) and uploaded some more Colorado trip photos. My goal is to take more pictures and organize them in sets for easier viewing.

BOOKED!

I’ve been meaning to get my hair cut since about May-ish, and I’ve just never been able to get to it. I finally called my mom and asked her to book me an appointment for the weekend we’ll be in Las Vegas. I really don’t care about my hair, but it’s just a crazy example of how little discretionary time we seem to have these days.

Just about every night, weekend, holiday, and spare minute outside of work is booked through the end of January.

Why I need to suck it up:

• Grad school is good for us. I know, I know. Plus it’s better to get it done now before we might have other beautiful little distractions.
• I hate missing out on family events. I love getting to see everyone and getting to be a part of those memories. So even if it’s not super-convenient, I want to try to be there.
• Handling all this without having a nervous breakdown will be good for us, and prepare us for the many years ahead when things are just as busy.

But here’s some whining anyway:

• I miss sleeping, hanging out in pajamas, and walking up to our park. And getting to watch mindless crap on TV. I mean sure, we will make time for The Office, but what about the America’s Next Top Model marathon?
• Don’t we seem far too young to be focusing so much on our career paths and futures and accumulated retirement? I’m a little bitter that we didn’t take off a few years to bum around Europe.
• I hate disappointing people. During the rare occasions when we just can’t be there, I hate feeling like I killed someone’s puppy.

So that’s it. Enjoy this blog because it may have to last you through Christmas.

Too much thinking…

…but remarkably, during these past few days, thinking has actually left me feeling happy and hopeful as a opposed to my usual perpetual state of existential crisis. Here’s why:

Across the Universe - It was beautiful. It made me see things from a different perspective. The music was amazing, and even for someone who has probably had Beatles songs playing in the background of my life since I was born, this movie made me listen to the lyrics and hear things I hadn’t heard before. It was simple. It was optimistic. It showed people doing their best to get by in a confusing time. And in the end it was inspiring.

Leading with Soul - This was the first grad school assignment that really motivated me on any level. My chosen "leadership" book (which I chose because it was in the library, it was short, and it seemed vaguely interesting) turned out to be pretty captivating. Rather than a list of cliché leadership tips, a parable-like narrative framed advice from world religions and philosophers about man’s search for meaning. The basic gist was, "Until you have found your own meaning, you have nothing to offer others." Deep stuff for an education class.

My Parents Visiting - I love my parents for the same reason that everyone else loves their parents - they provided me with food, shelter, helped me with homework and went to my school performances. But I also love my parents as people. I love that we can talk about politics, philosophy, history, and religion over breakfast in Sedona. I love that we can all watch Across the Universe the same weekend we watch Knocked Up. I don’t think I’ll ever be as cool a person as my parents, and definitely not as cool a parent. After all, our future kids can’t believe in Santa Claus or have any plastic toys.

In any case, it’s all left me feeling thoughtful and content, ready to find my place in the world and figure out what I have to give. I’m ready for an adventure. But for tonight, I'll just be doing homework.