Envy, pride, or one of those other deadly sins

I wouldn’t describe myself as a competitive person. I’ve never punched somebody in a poker game and my (lack of) athletic abilities make it near impossible for me to compete seriously in any kind of sport. I’ve always believed in the “doing your personal best” philosophy of life, and that comparing yourself to others won’t tell you what kind of person you are. But recently one little issue has been gnawing away at me…

We are making serious preparations for Steve to return to grad school next fall. He’s figured out a path, and we’re ready to do what it takes to get him through. I’m really happy about this. It means good things for him, good things for us in the future, and I feel so fortunate that he has this opportunity.

I’m also thrilled that Bryan and Colleen are thinking of moving this way after the school year is over. I’m sure there are many “young professional” antics to be had before we all completely settle down into family life (I swear I’m getting to a point).

The problem with all of this is that I’ll be the only one left without a postgrad degree. It seems like everyone I know is in grad school, finishing grad school, or applying for some fabulous grad program. And despite knowing that I shouldn’t judge my self-worth based on whether or not I have a piece of paper with a state seal, I feel stupid. I picture a future where Steve has to cover the electrical outlets and keep me away from small, swallow-able objects because, “She might hurt herself. She only has a Bachelor’s degree.”

In my rational thoughts, I know this is silly because:

1.       Some of the smartest and most interesting people I’ve ever known have had no degree at all.

2.       The people that I surround myself with are a bit of a warped, over-achieving sample.

3.       If at any point I decide I really want to go for my Master’s or PhD, there’s nothing standing in my way. I just have to decide for myself how many of my other life plans are worth putting on hold to keep up with the Joneses.

I’m sure eventually rational thinking will kick in a bit more. But for now I’m going to go sit in the corner and eat paste.