Holding Pattern

Been almost two months since we've written anything here (ouch). I think that we've been waiting for everything to finally fall into place. And that has ended up taking a lot longer than either of us expected.

It's not a great approach to life - biding time and dreaming about how we'll finally be able to enjoy ourselves once everything is settled.

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."

I like having a plan. It makes me feel safe. But it also leaves me with the feeling that there's always one more thing to accomplish before we can be happy.

I hope that after this whole house debacle is settled, we'll have a little time to enjoy ourselves before we have to move on to the next phase of the plan.

Now I can't even wear wool in good conscience

Plus, doesn't it seem a tad ridiculous?

The Milestone Month

May seems to be our month for milestones. The few milestones that 25 year olds can have…

May 5: On this date we will have been in Colorado for one year. I never believed anyone when they said that time goes by faster as you get older, but this year has flown. I think our willingness to go through the home-buying process (a.k.a. my personal hell) to secure a permanent dwelling will serve as scientific proof that we really, really like it here. It seems like a place that will really grow with us as we get even more settled and curmudgeonly, but still want to hike.

May 13: Three years post-college graduation. I’m not sure either of us are any closer to knowing our purpose or path in life, but we’re trying to enjoy whatever it is we’re doing while we figure it out (if we figure it out).

May 20: Our third anniversary. I had a dream the other night about getting rejected by a potential prom date. For as little as I did it, I really hated everything to do with dating. So I never expected to find the right person as easily as I did. I set the bar really high, and Steve exceeded (and continues to exceed) every expectation. This year we will continue our trend of going to see family instead of doing something “romantic,” but I think getting to see all the Phoenix peeps will make us happier than champagne and sleeping on hotel sheets [shudder].

Gathering Storm Part II

A Gaythering Storm from Jane Lynch

Hopefully this one did the trick, Becca.

The quality you've come to expect...

I’ve had a few light, happy-go-lucky blog posts in my head, but haven’t written any of them because I’ve been moody (Steve can confirm that for anyone who needs confirmation). Last week was rough, and while I held it together at the time, after it was all resolved I melted down just a little bit. And rather than write blog posts that sounded like emo lyrics, I figured I’d wait it out. And now being moody has drained all of my energy to write full blog posts, so I’ll continue my tradition of stepping up once a month or so to write a bunch of half-formed thoughts.

On Twitter…

Mostly I like Twitter for the quippy battle of the wits that goes on between friends and family members, and for hearing every cute thing one of the children says since we don’t get to hear as much of it first-hand. But getting texted with the mundane details of the lives of people you don’t really know goes from exciting to weird really quickly.

Oh really, Mark Hoppus? You’re drinking apple juice? You woke up at 3:30 a.m.? You’re eating cheese?

And yes, I’ve been following Mark Hoppus on Twitter. You have something to say about it?

On having no follow through…

I think we’ve gotten better over the years at making the effort to at least start responsible things. We’ll put laundry in the washer, usually into the dryer within a reasonable period, but rarely does it end up folded and put away in any sort of timely fashion. We’ll grocery shop for healthy food, make a meal or two, and then end up right back at Chipotle. We’ll set the alarm for 5:40 and wake up at 7.

Now that we have a house again*, we have to learn to be better. But we also need to figure out rewards to bribe ourselves into doing it because apparently we’re both 8.

*Whatever that means this time.

On drawing the paranormal…

Last night on Paranormal State, they said the three emotions that draw paranormal activity are anger, fear, and regret. Since I’ve had my share of all of those in the last week, we are waiting to see which demon, poltergeist, or spirit will try to take advantage. Luckily, TV has prepared us for this moment.

Also, after breaking the no Paranormal State after dark rule, I didn’t sleep all that well last night. Although to be fair, I think I was still disturbed from flipping through Zombie Strippers! the night before.

On how Steve manages to put up with me…

Still not really sure how he does it, but I’m grateful. In less than a month we’ll have been married for 3 years, and together for almost 7. And of that time I’d say I’ve been annoyingly frustrating 98% of the time, decent life partner 2%. And so it makes perfect sense that he’s excited about my parents coming to live with us because he needs “backup.” I just hope he still finds my annoyingly frustrating secretly charming.

Keeping Our Damn Mouths Shut

We have no idea what's going on with anything. And everytime we call everyone and spend an hour explaining the situation, it all seems to change again.

Therefore, I'm not planning on saying anymore about anything until it's over and done with. Talk to y'all in 20 years or so.

In case anyone was looking for a laugh this morning...

It would be funny if they weren't serious.

Random Complaints

While we were waiting for a table at a restaurant on Sunday morning we got a spiel that ended with “You’re definitely going to hell.” Then our name was called. I’m not sure if it would have had a happier ending eventually, but as far as I know I’m hell-bound. At least I have a million dollar bill with Bruce Willis on it to console me.  

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After two completely gorgeous days of 75 degree weather, it’s supposed to snow today.

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Why must comments on other people’s personal blogs be so insipid? It seems like all people know how to do is repeat some part of the blog in the most unoriginal terms.

Blog: “Isn’t this cute?”
Comments: “That is SO cute!” x247

Blog: “I breathe.”
Comments: “ME TOO. I breathe all the time.” x384

Maybe I shouldn’t be reading other people’s blog comments, but for some reason I feel like it’s my duty to prevent the intellectual decline of the internet.

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I decided to have tea instead of coffee this morning. Healthier? Maybe. Delightfully filled with cream and Splenda? No.

Too much fun with iMovie

...but here's the grand tour!

Our latest obsession...

You have to click on the pictures to see them in all their glory. Second time's the charm?

Floor Plan

Blah Blah Blah House

Blah blah blah other offer accepted. 

Blah Blah Blah LISTING AGENT! Grrr... 

Blah blah something positive and hope-y.

Blah blah blah something sarcastic.

"Our" House

I can’t pinpoint the exact moment that we started to talk about living with my parents. And not in a “crash in my old room until we can get our own place” kind of way, but intentionally choosing to share a space, share costs, live simply, and live together. It’s not a common decision, at least not in recent times, but we knew it was a good decision for us.

Reading Pride and Prejudice has romanticized the idea a bit for me. Visions of huge family estates in the country passed down from generation to generation make modern living seem so cheap and disposable.

Not that our little house in the burbs of Fort Collins could really be compared to an English estate (if the bank even approves the short sale), but the idea is the same. We’ll have a family home, a home made possible by previous generations and a home base for family scattered across the country.

I think about the people who made it possible for us to get to this place – my parents, my Grandma Jean (whose birthday would have been tomorrow) and my Grandpa Bill (who I never got to meet), my Grammy, and the rest of our family who always loved and supported us. I love the idea that it will be our house. And with any luck, the unconditional love and generosity of all of these individuals will continue to grow and thrive in this place.

Patience

After reading my millionth “short sale” horror story, I’m trying to find my patient place. Sure we’d love to have a house, that house, and in about two months we’ll be apartment-less if some sort of action isn’t taken, but good things come to those who wait, right?

But the “not knowing” makes it hard to focus. All I can do is plan and re-plan the next 3 months, 6 months, year, 5 years, 10 years of our lives. Try to think of all of the possible counters the bank could make, and imagine how we’d react. Decorate rooms in my head and then try to detach myself from all of it. Wonder if our kid will ride their bike to the junior high on the bike path, and worry that they won’t wear a helmet. Try to picture what the house and the neighborhood will look like in 30 years, what we’ll look like in 30 years. In the grand scheme of things, what is 2 months of not knowing?

We commented last night that eventually our luck will have to run out. We have been so fortunate in every aspect of our lives – to have found each other, found this place we love living, found jobs in this place and to have always had a roof over our heads and amazing family and friends that support us. Can that really last? Should any two people be given so much? And if we only have a certain amount of luck left, is it right to waste it on a house, or should we hold on to it for all the other things left in life?

Some days I wish I could shut my brain off.

Wallflowers

Neither Steve nor I like being the center of attention very much. If you watch some of the video from our wedding reception, this becomes painfully obvious. As we step out for our first dance, we both have pained looks on our faces. And I remember the conversation during that first dance. It was not, "I love you. This is amazing. First day of the rest of our lives, blah, blah, blah.” It was, “This is awkward! I hate this! Can people come dance with us now?”

This feeling extends to opening gifts, being the recipient of any sort of party or recognition, and delivering any kind of news that we know may bring with it a line of intense questioning. Neither of us is very good at defending our decisions, not because we don’t believe in them, but because the attention immediately drives us to this place of awkward misery that we can’t seem to climb out of.

“Why aren’t you eating bacon?”

“Umm… actually I don’t really eat meat.”

“Oh you’re one of those vegetarians. I don’t see how people can live that way. Why don’t you eat meat?”

“Uh… well, kind of environmental and animal rights reasons.”

“People have been eating meat for thousands of years! What do you even eat if you don’t eat meat? Do you think animals really have feelings? Do you think one person not eating steaks is going to save the world?”

“Never mind. Pass the bacon.”

Lately I’ve been trying to think of a good response to those lines of questioning that make me uncomfortable – where I’m forced to defend parts of my life that really don’t affect anyone but me, but it’s obvious that people have already made their judgments. My first thought was “F*** off!” Just crudely surprising enough to throw people off their game, but sadly not all that clever. “None of your business” is so cliché. “This is not a decision I have taken lightly, and I enter into it knowing full well the consequences, but I understand if it is not a choice you understand” is true, but it has no zip.

I guess that I’m at a loss and open for suggestions. In the meantime I guess I’ll just continue my awkward, half-assed explanations.

I'm sorry

Rachel really wanted me to post a picture of her swollen tonsils. Probably one of the most disgusting things I have ever seen. Those juicy white spots are not normally there, thank God. Click on the picture for a closer look.

Work Stats

Since I started my job on May 12, 2008…

…I have spent 173 days in the office, counting today.

…I have received more than 1,453 and sent more than 1,258 e-mails, archived in 46 folders and 65 subfolders.

…216 projects have been completed and billed by our office; 28 projects are currently open and assigned to designers.

…I have processed 111 display case reservations.

…I have attended 116 meetings/trainings.

On days when things are slow, I feel like it’s easy to forget all that I’ve done in the past 9 months. Looking at the numbers makes me feel a little better about what I’ve been able to accomplish. And best of all, I still really like my job.

Bad Friend

So today, via Facebook, I saw pictures of my “best friend” from high school’s bridal shower. A bridal shower I knew nothing about for a wedding I know nothing about. A bridal shower that a lot of people I went to high school with appear to have attended. People I probably would have called my friends at some point.

It made me wonder why, when these people still seem to have such a bond, I have nothing to do with any of them anymore. And then it struck me that I'm kind of a bad friend.

I don’t keep in touch. Maybe it’s moving every 3 years while I was growing up, but I’ve always just kind of moved on – out of sight, out of mind. And if you expect me to call on the phone, just forget it.

I’m not good at sharing my feelings. If you can’t decipher how I feel about you through an endless monologue of sarcasm, I really don’t know how to help you.

I hold grudges. Don’t call me back Thanksgiving weekend after I called you? Hope you don’t expect to ever talk to me again.

I’m defensive. It’s not like anyone else did such a great job of keeping in touch. Why should I have to be the one to put in the effort?

The downside of this is that there are some good people, good friends, who aren’t a part of my life anymore. And while I’m happy with my life, and glad that every weekend isn’t like a mini high school reunion, there is a part of me that is sad that I won’t be there to see Terri get married.

P.S. - Just had to comment on the irony of this post sitting next to my Twitter badge that says "unless you're making fun of a third person who's also there. then it's hilarious!"

Too much or not enough?

Usually my excuse for not blogging is that I don’t have enough to say because not much changes day to day. But in the past week or so, so much has happened/changed that I don’t really know where to start. Therefore, I’ll just throw it out randomly.

I’m 25 now (happy birthday to me). I really like the idea of 25. I feel young enough to see infinite opportunities ahead, but old enough to know that I have nothing to prove. I kind of hope I feel like this for the rest of my life.

Barack Obama is the President. I finally feel at home in my country, and hopeful for the future.

Going to Vegas for my birthday meant flying for the third time in three months. At this point I can have my shoes and jacket off, liquids out of my bag, and ID and boarding pass in hand in about 13 seconds. I’m looking forward to staying on the ground for at least a couple of months.

My parents are visiting in February, which means that we’ll have a reason to clean our apartment at least once this winter.

We’ve been in FoCo for almost 9 months now. Time has flown by! I really can’t imagine a better place to live, and honestly I’m a little amazed because we set our expectations for this place really high.

The Arizona Cardinals are in the Super Bowl. When I went to college, I didn’t know the Arizona Cardinals were a professional football team.

Prepping for GMATs has made it abundantly clear that neither of us remembers any math. We vaguely remember that you can do stuff to numbers to find other numbers, but don’t remember what that “stuff” is. Hopefully 4 weeks will be enough time to re-learn about 12 years worth of mathematical concepts.

When everything seems to be going so right like this, it makes me worry what kind of upset may be around the corner. But I guess all we can do is keep trying to make the best of everything we’re given.

Update

Here is a more updated story on what went on next door.

The Great Blog Debate

To blog or not to blog? This has been our question. Mostly because there's not really a lot of blogging going on here. For Steve's part, he seems to favor posting a political link or YouTube video about once every two months. I'm operating more on a random stream of consciousness blurt every few weeks. So is it worth keeping this up for the pretenses?

Maybe yes, maybe no. Ultimately my reasons are selfish. I like being able to look back over our lives in electronic form. Five years from now I'll want to look back and know what we were like at 25 (or 24 and 51 weeks). I'll want to know that we were obsessed with the OC about 5 years later than everyone else, that we were in the midst of a Twitter revolution that was no longer just first adopters (and second adopters like us who do things when Josh tell us to), that we were loving Colorado, feeling very independent and ready to take on the world, but also sometimes a little lonely and homesick, and that we're generally very content, with life and with each other.

And in the spirit of history, or maybe nostalgia, here are a few of my favorite posts to go back and read:

Untitled – Steve – 11/24/2002
Highlight: Rachel is already home for Thanksgiving so I got a dose of life without her. Boring yes, but it does allow an outlet to accomplish my guy things such as constant video games without the nagging. I am mostly joking, Rachel happens to be a very understanding girlfriend and only nags on occasion.

Being a Grown Up – Rachel – 01/18/2005 

Highlight: Do adults just pretend they have it all together so that everyone younger than them won't panic? This has all just been too much thought for one day. Apparently I should exercise my legal rights and go get a beer and try to forget all of it.

negative one year anniversary – Steve – 05/20/2005 
Highlight: Rachel observed a couple days ago that today is our negative one year anniversary for our wedding. To celebrate, we are going to go to the restaurant at the place we are going to be married and sample some food for the wedding.

mumbo jumo – Steve – 1/8/2006 
Highlight: Rachel, Nate and I made a spontaneous trip to California. Much like Christian enthusiasts travel to walk in the footsteps of Jesus in Bethlehem, we wanted to walk in the footsteps of other gods. The cast of Laguna Beach. While no sightings occurred, I got to live like Talan for a day, except much pastier.

This is your brain on spring break – Rachel – 3/27/2006
Highlight: Last night, while talking about religion or nutrition or maybe something completely unrelated, Steve, Nate and I came up with the idea of low-carb communion. We floated around a few ideas on how we could change the ingredients, but decided meat was definitely out (I mean, who wants to hear "the body of Christ" when you're biting into a piece of steak). I'm not sure if this is sacrilege of a brilliant marketing idea...

popular demand – Steve - 4/23/2006 
Highlight: 27 days left...

FAQ (you know you were asking them in your head) – Rachel – 5/23/2006 

4. Since you finally tied the knot, have you and Steve gotten any less annoyingly adorable?

Sorry to disappoint, but our annoying adorable-ness actually seems to be increasing with time. Being newlyweds is just the icing on the cake.

change of heart – Steve – 12/23/2006 
Highlight: I know how perturbed you all must have been when we decided to move back to Flagstaff. After all the bad things we used to say about the place, I decided to seek documentation of my criticisms. Sorting through all my archived posts, below are all the negative statements regarding Flagstaff. Enjoy the hypocrisy in no particular order...

Many Mini Blogs – Rachel – 1/22/2007 
Highlight: The best part of being married besides all the being in love with Steve stuff is being an aunt. With the arrival of Zoe a week ago today, I have five nieces and nephews in all. (It bothers me that they don’t have a word that combines nieces and nephews like siblings does for sisters and brothers.)

The couple that blogs together... – Rachel – 4/26/2007 
Welcome to the next phase of our disgustingly cute couple-dom (couple-hood? couple-ishness?). 341 days into our marriage, we have decided to take our relationship to the next level - joint blogging. In reality, I think we're just hoping that if we join forces, it will look like we blog more often even if we don't.

This is what happens when you procrastinate – Rachel - 1/25/2008 
Highlight: I’m 24. I immediately sensed a newfound maturity and sophistication at around noonish on January 18. Then it dissipated at around 2 a.m. on January 19.

The Grandma Jean that I knew – Rachel – 8/29/2008 
Highlight: I wish any of this brought any sort of closure but I think I’ll always have to remind myself that she’s not in Lincoln welcoming a visit when we can break away from our busy lives.

A year and a half of us – Rachel – 12/2/2008 
Highlight:

• I write more about Steve than he writes about me, or he writes a lot about himself in the third person.
  
• "Eat" is very little, but we actually eat a lot.
  
• "Time/Distance" shows up because apparently at one point in our lives we ran.
  
• "Fun" is used far less often than "work."
  
• The only names that show up are our own. We are some self-centered SOBs.
  

Ode to Alima Pure

This post is about makeup. I’m sorry.

So usually buying makeup was something I’ve liked the idea of, but truly hated every time I got into the store. I’d sit on the floor of the aisle reading every ingredient and scanning for all the things that kill the world (check out Ingredients to Avoid ). Even most of the expensive brands were filled with cheap, toxic preservatives. I’d usually walk away with something that equated to expensive colored chalk. It was a vicious and frustrating cycle.

Then on Futurenatural, I happened to stumble upon Alima Pure. It’s more expensive than Bonne Bell, but a heck of a lot cheaper than most of the tree-hugger makeup you can find. And that was just the beginning…

1. Cruelty free and free of the things that give me neuroses – mainly parabens.
   
2. Sample products for $1!
   
3. For every $10 you spend, you get $1 off your next order.
   
4. Jar recycling – return 5 full sized jars and get a free eyeshadow.
   

So again, sorry, I know this sounds like one big ad. But when a company can worm it’s way into my heart (now it’s Alima, IKEA, and Target), I figured it deserved a mention in case anyone else was looking for environmentally-friendly, non-toxic makeup that actually worked well and came in pretty packaging.